clan joke thread

stumpy wallace · Post by **stumpy wallace** » Mon Mar 24, 2003 9:44 pm

thinking....

Compadre · Post by **Compadre** » Mon Mar 24, 2003 10:30 pm

lol, I saw that webpage 8 months or so.. it's hilarious

Pee-Wee · Post by **Pee-Wee** » Tue Mar 25, 2003 1:24 am

Ok Druhsk R U Better than PEE-WEE???

(Flashback... 1973... Mothers Day... Give a preschooler a set of permanant markers, and a nice white plate and tell him to draw something nice for his mother.)

My sister did a nice house, with a crooked chimny... what does PEE-WEE draw??? That's right... BLUE SATAN!!!!

Mom, why don't you want to use my plate for Thanksgiving?

(When you look at these two pictures... are you humming that song from Seseme Street "One of these kids is doin' his own thing..."??)

- Edit / Insert -

Gotta' love the woman, I mean... she kept it for 30 years. (Either that, or she's thrown it out, but it keeps coming back on it's own).

Druhsk · Post by **Druhsk** » Tue Mar 25, 2003 3:12 am

ROFL Pee-Wee! Good one!

/e rumages through his pack of jokes . . .

I'll see what I have tomorrow.

stumpy wallace · Post by **stumpy wallace** » Tue Mar 25, 2003 4:40 am

Flanker · Post by **Flanker** » Tue Mar 25, 2003 5:07 am

LOL your always the class act Pee-wee

Pee-Wee · Post by **Pee-Wee** » Tue Mar 25, 2003 6:00 am

Hey... look at the date, if your parents put you into polyester plad clothing with large white belts and huge collars... you would be trying to summon the Dark One yourself.

Lo Ki · Post by **Lo Ki** » Tue Mar 25, 2003 7:26 am

Did you hear about the 2 blondes who walked into a building?

It seems like one of them would have seen it!

Druhsk · Post by **Druhsk** » Tue Mar 25, 2003 7:18 pm

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll
squeeze
these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out"?

On a similar note, who was the first person to think, "I'm going to
follow that chicken around and eat the first thing that falls out of its
ass"?

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a
horrible
crisp which no decent human being would eat?

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?

Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?

If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of coconut,
why can't he fix a hole in a boat?

Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't
point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?

Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they are
going to look up there anyway?

Why does goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're
both dogs!

What do you call male ballerinas?

Why ARE Trix only for kids?

If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme crap, why
didn't
he just buy dinner?

Why is a person that handles your money called a 'Broker'?

If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from
vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

If a man is talking in the forest, and no woman is there to hear him,
is
he still wrong?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Is Disney World the only people trap operated by a mouse?

Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same
tune? (Editorial Note: Ba, Ba Blacksheep also has same tune - DY)

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but
call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your ass?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at
you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the
window.

Pyreal Girl · Post by **Pyreal Girl** » Tue Mar 25, 2003 7:30 pm

OMG Druhsk...I have tears in me eyes...

PG

stumpy wallace · Post by **stumpy wallace** » Tue Mar 25, 2003 7:31 pm

lol guys

Pee-Wee · Post by **Pee-Wee** » Tue Mar 25, 2003 7:43 pm

Druhsk, to answer your question:

"Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out"? "

Umm.. that would be me.

Druhsk · Post by **Druhsk** » Tue Mar 25, 2003 7:46 pm

Ya know Pee Wee, I though about that, but I figured you'd be the person to have a go at the chicken's butt

stumpy wallace · Post by **stumpy wallace** » Tue Mar 25, 2003 7:48 pm

or did the cow ask if i chase this pee-wee around then squeeze him then eat whatever comes out first

Sassy · Post by **Sassy** » Tue Mar 25, 2003 8:53 pm

Quantas, the Australian Airlines.

After each flight the pilot fills out a form where he states any problems they may have encountered, the report is then handed over to the mechanics who write what they've done to fix the problem. The pilot
reads through the report before the next flight with that plane.

No one can claim that these guys have no sense of humor - these are
actual reports. By the way, Quantas is the only major airline without any
accidents.

-----------------------------------

P = Problem reported by the pilot

R = Reply written by the mechanic

-----------------------------------

P: Left inside wheel is almost due to be replaced

R: Left inside wheel has almost been replaced

P: Test flight went OK, but the automatic landing was a bit on the rough side

R: There is no automatic landing program on this aircraft....

P: Propellar #2 is not getting enough grease

R:Prop #2 is OK. Prop 1,3 and 4 are getting too much grease.

P: Something is loose in the cockpit

R: Something has been fastened in the cockpit

P: Dead insects on the windscreen

R: Live insects on backorder

P: Autopilot drops 200 feet when altitude is to be maintained

R: Unable duplicate problem on the ground

P: Evidence of leak in right side landing gear

R: Evidence removed !

P: Volume in intercom is extremely loud

R: Volume in intercom adjusted to a more credible level

P: Throttle lock causes the throttle to be stuck

R: That's what it's there for....

P: The radio is not working at all

R: The radio never works when it is in the OFF position

P: I suspect the windscreen is cracked

R: I suspect you're right

P: Engine #3 is missing

R: Engine #3 found on the underside of the right wing after a very short search

P: The plane is acting funny

R: The plane has been given instruction to get its act together and be
serious

P: The radar hums

R: The radar has been re-programmed to speak

P: Mouse in the cockpit

R: Cat installed in the cockpit