I need some humor

Phade · Post by **Phade** » Fri May 02, 2003 12:39 pm

someone post a joke for me?

clean ones.. and no links to other sites (at work and very cautious about what links I open)

Pipi · Post by **Pipi** » Fri May 02, 2003 12:49 pm

I don't know any.

Oof · Post by **Oof** » Fri May 02, 2003 12:58 pm

Alternative State Slogans

Alabama: Yes, We Have Electricity

Alaska: 11,623 Eskimos Can't Be Wrong!

Arizona: But It's A Dry Heat

Arkansas: Literacy Ain't Everything

California: By 30, Our Women Have More Plastic Than Your Honda

Colorado: If You Don't Ski, Don't Bother

Connecticut: Like Massachusetts, Only The Kennedy's Don't Own It Yet

Delaware: We Really Do Like The Chemicals In Our Water

Florida: Ask Us About Our Grandkids

Georgia: We Put The "Fun" In Fundamentalist Extremism

Hawaii: Haka Tiki Mou Sha'ami Leeki Toru (Death To Mainland Scum, But Leave Your Money)

Idaho: More Than Just Potatoes ... Well Okay, We're Not, But The
Potatoes Sure Are Good

Illinois: Please Don't Pronounce the "S"

Indiana: 2 Billion Years Tidal Wave Free

Iowa: We Do Amazing Things With Corn

Kansas: First Of The Rectangle States

Kentucky: Five Million People; Fifteen Last Names

Louisiana: We're Not ALL Drunk Cajun Wackos, But That's Our Tourism Campaign

Maine: We're Really Cold, But We Have Cheap Lobster

Maryland: If You Can Dream It, We Can Tax It

Massachusetts: Our Taxes Are Lower Than Sweden's (For Most Tax Brackets)

Michigan: First Line Of Defense From The Canadians

Minnesota: 10,000 Lakes ... And 10,000,000,000,000 Mosquitoes

Mississippi: Come And Feel Better About Your Own State

Missouri: Your Federal Flood Relief Tax Dollars At Work

Montana: Land Of The Big Sky, The Unabomber, Right-Wing Crazies, And Very Little Else

Nebraska: Ask About Our State Motto Contest

Nevada: Hookers and Poker!

New Hampshire: Go Away And Leave Us Alone

New Jersey: You Want A ##$%##! Motto? I Got Yer ##$%##! Motto Right Here!

New Mexico: Lizards Make Excellent Pets

New York: You Have The Right To Remain Silent, You Have The Right To An Attorney ...

North Carolina: Tobacco Is A Vegetable

North Dakota: We Really Are One Of The 50 States!

Ohio: At Least We're Not Michigan

Oklahoma: Like The Play, Only No Singing

Oregon: Spotted Owl ... It's What's For Dinner

Pennsylvania: Cook With Coal

Rhode Island: We're Not REALLY An Island

South Carolina: Remember The Civil War? We Didn't Actually Surrender

South Dakota: Closer Than North Dakota

Tennessee: The Educashun State

Texas: Si' Hablo Ing'les (Yes, I Speak English)

Utah: Our Jesus Is Better Than Your Jesus

Vermont: Yep Virginia: Who Says Government Stiffs And Slackjaw Yokels Don't Mix?

Washington: Help! We're Overrun By Nerds And Slackers!

Washington, D.C.: Wanna Be Mayor?

West Virginia: One Big Happy Family ... Really!

Wisconsin: Come Cut The Cheese

Wyoming: Where Men Are Men ... and the sheep are scared !!!

Oof · Post by **Oof** » Fri May 02, 2003 1:01 pm

A chemist, a shopkeeper and a teacher were sentenced to death by firing squad. The chemist was taken from his cell and as the soldiers took aim he shouted "Avalanche!" The soldiers panicked and in the confusion the chemist escaped. The shopkeeper was led out next. As the soldiers took aim he shouted "Flood!" and escaped. The teacher was then lead out. The squad took aim and the teacher, remembering how the other two had escaped, shouted "Fire!"

Oof · Post by **Oof** » Fri May 02, 2003 1:03 pm

Girls you know you're on a bad date when:

You order a Double Whopper and he says, "Hey, my name ain't Rockefeller, honey."

You've never heard someone speak with such passion about an ant farm.

He seems to know an awful lot about your shower routine.

Your dinner reservations are under "Loser, party of 2"

He's especially proud of how long he can sustain a burp.

He calls to tell you he'll pick you up, just as soon as the stand off with the police is over.

He's been on Geraldo once and Jerry Springer, twice.

That's all I can plagiarize from the Web right now.

Sassy · Post by **Sassy** » Fri May 02, 2003 1:14 pm

Hey Phade!!! Wanna hear a dirty joke??

Flanker · Post by **Flanker** » Fri May 02, 2003 1:36 pm

LOL Oof, the state mottos are good.

Mississippi was the best.

In other news:

"Bling Bling" was added to the dictionary

(not a joke but funny since its soo bloody pathetic)

Phade · Post by **Phade** » Fri May 02, 2003 2:23 pm

lol tkx oof.

sure thing sassy

I likes me some dirty jokes.

Flanker: you have to be kidding

Sassy · Post by **Sassy** » Fri May 02, 2003 2:31 pm

Ok...are you ready?? Make sure no one is reading over your shoulder!

White horse fell in the mud

Opti_Silmara · Post by **Opti_Silmara** » Fri May 02, 2003 2:51 pm

MAKE YOUR THERAPIST PAY WITH THESE HANDY TIPS

1 After everything he says, say, "And how does that make you feel?"
2 Repeatedly tell him to look at the ceiling. When he finally does, repeatedly tell him to look at the chair. When he finally does, repeatedly tell him to look at the desk, etc...
3 Refuse to cooperate unless he trades his pants.
4 Point at random things and say, "Where did you get that?"
5 Try to talk him into sitting on the floor.
6 Tell him you think his secretary is really a man.
7 Take random objects in his office and glue them to the floor.
8 Bring pots and pans and bang them together when he asks a question you don't like.
9 Complain that his chair looks more comfortable.
10 Sit underneath your chair

Gripweed · Post by **Gripweed** » Fri May 02, 2003 3:35 pm

Or, do like I do, whenever you go get your eyes checked, and they pull down that big black thing with all the lenses in it... at the top of your lungs, yell "AOOOOoooooooGA AOOOooooooooGA DIVE DIVE".

Seriously, I do it every time. I get the weirdest looks, but it sure is fun as hell.

Phade · Post by **Phade** » Fri May 02, 2003 3:37 pm

lol Opti.. that looks like a lot of fun

now I just need to find a therapist?

Flanker · Post by **Flanker** » Fri May 02, 2003 4:12 pm

Yes Phade I am serious, was on the new 2 days ago

Phade · Post by **Phade** » Fri May 02, 2003 4:51 pm

Thats sad

Magickid2002 · Post by **Magickid2002** » Fri May 02, 2003 6:09 pm

being 17 and all I use the term bling bling ver sarcastically and loosly in conversaitons only becaused I though tit was one of the dumbest things. Now by me doing that they have made it a word in websters dictionary. oh boy whats the world coming too. next well have a:

1. white rapper who is the best.
2. a black man that is the best in golf.
3. A republican that trys to show his father in office.

GK

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