Aunt Nancy

Todtstoy · Post by **Todtstoy** » Thu Jul 14, 2005 5:00 am

Today was pretty grim. She woke wanting her juice and cigarette as usual. I wheeled her out to the table. She took a sip of her juice and lite up her smoke. She took 2 small pufs and put it out... grasped her chest and started moaning. Said it felt like her right lung had collapsed. I called hospice and asked that her nurse be sent out NOW! I lift Nancy in my arms and rushed her back to her bed making her comfy. It broke my heart to see her like that. Hurting so very badly.. I could see the waves of pain rippling through her body. The nurse hadn't returned my call in 15 minutes so I sent my mom in law to the other room to call hospice again.. telling them It had been 15 mins and I need to talk with a nurse NOW and have 1 here 10 minutes ago. I wasn't supposed to be alone at this time. The Nurse called 10 mins later. I gave her the symptoms Nancy was having. Pam the nurse said I had to get the meds box out of the fridge. It is a sealed box full of kick butt meds. Nancy was a CNA and knows this box is used at the end. She has refused me to use it untill now. The nurse was yelling in my ear to open the box NOW.. Nancy begging me not too.. Me struggling with the box.. darn thing is sealed tight. I finally said FINE.. i dropped the box and just held Nancys hand while her sister opened the box. I pleaded with Nancy to take the half a pill.. thats all it was.. to lay under her tongue to open the airways. Just till Pam could get there. I wouldn't use anything else in the box. I just needed her to be able to breath till Pam got there.. to please not do this with me alone. She agreed finally. Pam hung up and I gave Nancy the pill. It relaxed her a little. Then we got a miracle

The nurse had ordered morphine and another mixture of meds in cream form. The fedx man showed up at the door. I snatched the package from him and was ripping into it. Pam pulled into thr driveway as i was running for Nancy. I showed Nancy the package.. told her I wouldn't use the fridge box ever.. if she would let me use the creams. Pam looked at me wide eyed. Nancy was dead set against using the morphine at all cost. I was dead set she was going to take it. Just to ease the pain. I gave Pam the look of shut up!! you know the one us ladies have. Some of you men now what I am talking about... most dont hehehe... but i digress.. She shut up and said not a word. I showed Nancy I was putting everything back in the box.. I handed it to Pam and asked her to please reseal the box and sign it for me. The handed it to mom to put back in the fridge. I made Pam put in her notes it wasn't to be opened again.. for any reason. Nancy then said she would take the cream meds. Man that stuff worked amazinly. There was instant reliefe. A calm came over her.. she rested finally. Bless her heart.. she didn't know I had tricked her into the morphine. Probably wouldn't if the 2nd nurse hadn't showed up. Pam started telling her what had happened and that I had everything under controll at the moment. That I used 2 morphine packets on Nancys right wrist and the mixed meds on the left. OMG!! Nancys eyes were shooting fire. She was fixing to tear into that Nurse. I gave Pam the your dead look and got Nancys attention. I reminded Nancy the Nurse hadn't done anything. She watched me do it. Made sure I did everything as I was supposed to do it. I reminded her I was the one who tricked her into taking the meds... but wasn't she dealing with the pain much better now. Sighhh Nancy was ticked to bad to respond. I told the nurses everything would be ok. They checked vital signs and stuff then left. I sat by Nancys bed for 3 hours.. holding her hand. I needed to give her her next dose of morphine. I asked her if I could give her her new meds. Fires from hell were burning deep. I said ok. I'll hold your hand and sing then... took about 20 mins. She is once again starting to have ripples of pain washing through her. Her wak little hand is clutching mine as hard as she can.. bless her heart.. isn't much.. I whisspered.. All you need to do is let me rub your wrist with the cream and all would be better... Damn i felt like a dirty drug dealer trying to hook me a new addict... know what i mean.. here she is not wanting it.. and i am pushing as hard as i can. It is not prolonging her life.. just lets her go with a little more comfort. Thats how I finally got her to agree to letting me give her the full doses every 3 hours. She has been doing it for the last 12 hours now. She is resting so much easier. She thanked me for making her take the cream meds.. said I was right.. she didn't have to be in so much pain. She was going to do what she had to do.. and go when God makes room. Y'all keep me in your prayers the next couple hours.. She shouldn't be able to last too much longer.

Big Mac Attack · Post by **Big Mac Attack** » Thu Jul 14, 2005 5:21 am

I'm don't consider myself religious at all, I'm more of a self proclaimed spiritualist, but she and you are both in my prayers...At least you had the heart to get her to take the painkillers...it makes things easier on everyone in the end, especially her, because it isnt taking away her dignity, just making her suffer less, and nobody wants to see suffering.

You are truly a stronger person than I, I don't know how I dont know how I would handle a situation like that.

If there truly is a heaven, you are withoutadoubt going...VIP.

SweetSerinity · Post by **SweetSerinity** » Thu Jul 14, 2005 6:08 am

Wow. I have not met you yet, but that brought me to tears, I am keeping you and your family in my prayers. Keep faith hon and you'll get thru this.

Sincerely,
Bridget and Family

AKA Serinity

Todtstoy · Post by **Todtstoy** » Thu Jul 14, 2005 6:32 am

Thanks y'all.. sometimes it helps me to vent. I spend so much time in game normally that i come here to let off steam. I have 30 mins till the next meds. Darn.. I hate waking her up to do this

Post by **Panzerfaust** » Thu Jul 14, 2005 10:29 am

As always, you have our support.

You're a much stronger woman than I am.

/e Thoughts & Prayers.

.Urrasa. · Post by **.Urrasa.** » Thu Jul 14, 2005 11:23 am

I truely hope i never have to go threw this.....but if i do i hope i have as much strength as you do...

I took a home nursing course and had to spend 3 days at a medicare facility and i only made it for one......the little old lonely people made me so sad i couldnt take it...

Then i got in that bad car accident that 8 months later im still recovering from... it makes us question our own mortality...

The sun was just a little bit brighter and the flowers smelled just a little bit sweeter ...life really is to short..and its sad sometimes we wait for situations like this to make us slow down and look around us..and apperciate all the blessings we have..

You really are a special angel and your aunt is so lucky to have you..

Cymry · Post by **Cymry** » Thu Jul 14, 2005 1:42 pm

I'm glad she let you give her the pain meds, because it sounds like it hurts you emotionally almost as much as it hurts her physically. Don't worry, dear, God's got plenty of room. I like to think He's just putting the finishing touches on her mansion and tuning up the choir. Imagine the celebration when she finally gets there!

Todtstoy · Post by **Todtstoy** » Fri Jul 15, 2005 3:30 am

She was a little better today. I guess the mansion isn't ready yet. Or the Choir is missing a person. I am going home on Sunday. My son's birthday is the 19th and I have to finish the closing on my house and help move out.. plus Todt will be here the 20th through the 26th. I will be back over then till the end or to help my mother in law get things finished up. Thank you all for your prayers and good thoughts. They mean so very much to me

Julie Ann