clan joke thread

Pyreal Girl · Post by **Pyreal Girl** » Sat Mar 29, 2003 6:28 pm

Bill Clinton, George Bush, a spectacular looking blonde, and a frightfully awful looking fat lady were in a train carriage. After several minutes of the trip, the train passes through a dark tunnel, and the unmistakable sound of a slap is heard. When they leave the tunnel, Clinton has a big red slap mark on his cheek.

The blonde thought, 'that rascal Clinton wanted to touch me and by mistake he must have put his hand on the fat lady, who in turn must have slapped his face.'

The fat lady thought, 'that dirty old Bill Clinton laid his hands on the blonde and she smacked him.'

Bill Clinton thought, 'George put his hand on that blonde and by mistake she slapped me.'

George Bush thought, 'I hope there's another tunnel soon so I can smack Clinton again.'

aND NOW for the ShoW!

http://webserver.dcci.com/SA-Texan/Flash/Saddam.swf

PG

stumpy wallace · Post by **stumpy wallace** » Sun Mar 30, 2003 1:25 am

stumpy wallace · Post by **stumpy wallace** » Sun Mar 30, 2003 4:01 pm

ill find some more jokes this thing has been going slow lately what happened pee wee run out of juice

stumpy wallace · Post by **stumpy wallace** » Tue Apr 01, 2003 11:40 pm

Culticon · Post by **Culticon** » Wed Apr 02, 2003 2:02 am

Love that link PG that was great hehe

Nyla_Tiarra · Post by **Nyla_Tiarra** » Thu Apr 03, 2003 3:12 pm

Marine Corps General Reinwald was interviewed on the radio the other day
and you have to read his reply to the lady who interviewed him concerning
guns and children. Regardless of how you feel about gun laws you gotta love
this!!!! This is one of the best comeback lines of all time.
>
> It is a portion of National Public Radio (NPR) interview between a female
broadcaster and General Reinwald who was about to sponsor a Boy Scout Troop
visiting his military installation.
>
> FEMALE INTERVIEWER: So, General Reinwald, what things are you going to
teach these young boys when they visit your base?
>
> GENERAL REINWALD: We're going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery
and shooting.
>
> FEMALE INTERVIEWER: Shooting! That's a bit irresponsible, isn't it?
>
> GENERAL REINWALD: I don't see why, they'll be properly supervised on the
rifle range.
>
> FEMALE INTERVIEWER: Don't you admit that this is a terribly dangerous
activity to be teaching children?
>
> GENERAL REINWALD: I don't see how. We will be teaching them proper rifle
discipline before they even touch a firearm.
>
> FEMALE INTERVIEWER: But you're equipping them to become violent killers.
>
> GENERAL REINWALD: Well, you're equipped to be a prostitute, but you're not
one, are you?
>
> The radio went silent and the interview ended. You gotta love the Marines!

Druhsk · Post by **Druhsk** » Thu Apr 03, 2003 3:27 pm

A rich old guy in Louisiana (we'll call him Jim Bob) decided that he wanted to throw a party and invited all of his rich buddies and neighbors. He also invited Joe, the token looser in the neighborhood.

He held the party around the pool in the backyard of his mansion. Everyone was having a good time drinking, dancing, eating shrimp, oysters and BBQ and flirting with the women.

At the height of the party, Jim Bob said, "I have a 10ft man-eating gator in my pool and I'll give a million dollars to anyone who has the balls to jump in."

The words were barely out of Jim Bob's mouth when there was a loud splash and everyone turned around and saw Joe in the pool!

Joe was fighting the gator and kicking its ass!
Joe was jabbing the gator in the eyes with his thumbs, throwing punches, doing all kinds of stuff like head butts and choke-holds, biting the gator on the tail and flipping the gator through the air like some kind of Japanese Judo instructor.
The water was churning and splashing everywhere. Both Joe and the gator were screaming and raising hell. Finally Joe strangled the gator and let it sink to the bottom like a Wal-Mart goldfish.

Joe then slowly climbed out of the pool. Everybody was just staring at him in disbelief.

Finally Jim Bob says, "Well, Joe, I reckon I owe you a million dollars."

"No, that's okay. I don't want it," said Joe.

Jim Bob said, "Man, I have to give you something. You won the bet. How about half a million bucks then?"

"No thanks. I don't want it," answered Joe.

"Come on, I insist on giving yousomething. That was amazing. How about a new Porsche, a Rolex and some stock options?"

"No."

Confused, Jim Bob said, "Well, Joe, then what do you want?"

Joe said, "I want the name of the sum bitch who pushed me in the pool."

Nyla_Tiarra · Post by **Nyla_Tiarra** » Thu Apr 03, 2003 5:10 pm

Lmao Druhsk !

Tynerion · Post by **Tynerion** » Thu Apr 03, 2003 7:53 pm

Well, Pee-Wee and I have hunted now and again, and we like to go scouting before the season begins to get an idea where the deer are. A couple of years ago, we were out in the woods near a farm looking for scrapes and rubs when Pee-Wee stepped over a log and his foot opened up a big hole in the ground. On closer inspection and after clearing out some debris, we discoverd that it was bigger than it looked at first, and went pretty deep.

"Man!" I said, "That is one big hole! How deep you figure it is?"

"No idea." Said Pee-Wee. "Lets drop a rock in it and listen for when it hits the bottom."

So we scrounged around and found a rock the size of golf ball and dropped it in the hole. Nothing..... No sound whatsoever.

"Hmm.. Nuttin." I said, suprised that we couldn't hear anything.

"Let's get a bigger rock." said Pee-Wee.

Another search and we found what I considered to be an adolescent boulder. Dragging it through the woods while huffing and puffing, we pushed it in the hole...

Nothing again.

"Ok." Says Pee-wee, "Let's find something reeeeeaaal big. That thing HAS to have a bottom.

Another 20 minutes we find this big 'ole railroad tie behind a bush not far from the hole. A few minutes and a few hernias later, we stood the thing up on end and dropped it in the hole.

As we watched it drop, all of a sudden a big commotion broke out from behind us, and as we turned to look, we watched this big white goat BARRELING through the woods right at us!

Well, wondering if there is a problem with rabid goats in that area, we started to backstep away from the hole looking for a decent tree to climb. But the Goat totally ignored us in our retreat and jumped right into the hole!

Needless to say we were a bit stunned as we came back to the hole and looked down seeing nothing but blackness.

After discussing whether we should notify National Geographic about a possible new species of goats which should aptly be named "Goaterius Moronicus", another sound came from behind us and the farmer that owned the field nearby came into view.

"Hey Y'all," He said as he walked up. "Y'all aint seen a white goat around here anywhars, had ya?"

I was going to tell this fine gentleman that his goat must have eaten some Loco weed and decided to pass the afternoon seeing if he could get to China, but all I could say was; "Well, yeah.. Umm.. there was a goat that ran through here like a "bat out of heck" and jumped in this hole about two minutes ago.."

The seasoned farmer frowned and rubbed his beard a while, then smiled and said; "Nope! Couldn't be my goat. My goat was tied to a railroad tie behind that bush over thar."

stumpy wallace · Post by **stumpy wallace** » Thu Apr 03, 2003 7:53 pm

Sassy · Post by **Sassy** » Thu Apr 03, 2003 7:57 pm

Magickid2002 · Post by **Magickid2002** » Thu Apr 03, 2003 9:01 pm

LOL

Druhsk · Post by **Druhsk** » Thu Apr 03, 2003 9:14 pm

http://www.brunching.com/morethan.html

For all those who remember the Autobots . . .

Jena · Post by **Jena** » Thu Apr 03, 2003 11:11 pm

Two Trees

It's hard to find jokes that are clean these days but, here it goes ... not a dirty word is used...

Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods. A small tree begins to grow between them, and the beech says to the birch: "Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?" The birch says he cannot tell.

Just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling. The birch says, "Woodpecker, you are a tree expert. Can you tell if that is a son of a beech or a son of a birch?" The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree. He replies:"It is neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch. It is however, the best piece of Ash I have ever put my pecker in."