Guys' Rules

Post by **Panzerfaust** » Tue May 10, 2005 12:09 am

The Guys' Rules

At last a guy has taken the
time to write this all down.

Finally, the guys' side of the story.
(I must admit, it's pretty good.)

We always hear"the rules"
from the female side.

Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules!
Please note...
these are all numbered "1"
ON PURPOSE!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports.
It's like the full moon
or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport.
And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it.
That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem.
See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become
null and void after 7 days.

1. If you won't dress like the
Victoria's Secret girls,
don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don 't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways
and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something
or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it,
just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible,
please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example,
is a fruit, not a color.
Pumpkin is also a fruit.
We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing,"
we will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying,
but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't
want an answer to,
expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear
is fine...Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are
prepared to discuss such topics as
baseball, the shotgun formation,
or monster trucks.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape.
Round is a shape.

1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know,
I have to sleep on the couch tonight;
but did you know men really don't mind that?
It's like camping.

Pass this to as many men as you can -
to give them a laugh.

Pass this to as many women as you can -
to give them a bigger laugh!!

thunderblade · Post by **thunderblade** » Tue May 10, 2005 12:25 am

printing and posting these at home

kerosene · Post by **kerosene** » Tue May 10, 2005 12:50 am

Yes, I know,
I have to sleep on the couch tonight;
but did you know men really don't mind that?
It's like camping.

Think I know where thunder will be tonight

Post by **Panzerfaust** » Tue May 10, 2005 12:50 am

Take a lantern, Thunder!

Dave_Mustaine · Post by **Dave_Mustaine** » Tue May 10, 2005 3:47 am

awesome post!

thenetworkgod · Post by **thenetworkgod** » Tue May 10, 2005 10:18 pm

Yes, its funny.

Yes, some women wont like it.

But no matter what, there is a certain truth to alot of it

Its not that men are ignorant idiots that do not love their women, we just see som things differently.

I remember a friend and I talking about how guys "talk" about stuff that is not really important. He related it to women and men getting a haircut.

Men are like;

Joe; "Hey Josh, haircut?"

Josh; "Yeah."

Done.

Women;

Christel; "Hi Denise, Thank you for ... bla bla bla, oh new haircut? Looks very nice but but but ... and and and ... bla bla bla ..."

Denise; "Oh yes, and the hairdresser said, and bla bla bla and and, and so on and and and ..."

Its HAIR GD. It GROWS. People make ALOT of cash cutting it. Its ok and they do a good job, but its not world health or rocket science.

Don't get me wrong, I L O V E women - I adore them, I admire them - sometimes you need to realize that men just "work" differently in some ways. It does not make them "bad". It does not make them "stupid".

But do remember that man or woman - everyone needs to be treated with respect and everyone should treat anyone else with respect

Cymry · Post by **Cymry** » Tue May 10, 2005 10:32 pm

That's just like a man . . .

Post by **Panzerfaust** » Wed May 11, 2005 12:35 pm

I always treat my wife with respect.

I would never want to go back to doing my own laundry!

thunderblade · Post by **thunderblade** » Wed May 11, 2005 2:55 pm

hehe kero
how did you guess that? i did end up sleeping on the couch that night, but only because the grandson woke up and wanted me to lay with him.
we both fell asleep.

Hoko · Post by **Hoko** » Wed May 11, 2005 10:05 pm

Pftt plz ..

Shetl · Post by **Shetl** » Thu May 12, 2005 12:20 am

Well done Panz

This will be printed and put up in the basement,where the wife won't see it,but a place where I will be able to read it every day

Post by **Panzerfaust** » Thu May 12, 2005 12:31 am

If I don't want my wife to see it, i'll put it in the oven. Not sure she knows we have one/

I can almost feel the dull pain i my stomach from her trying to undo puberty.

ZOIKS

Shetl · Post by **Shetl** » Thu May 12, 2005 4:19 am

LOLOLOL

Ncatyl · Post by **Ncatyl** » Thu May 12, 2005 10:12 pm

It's a proven fact now, what has been known for eons; male and female brains simply work differently!

my wife will occasionally start to rail about something over which she or I have no control. I ask her, "Dear, what exactly can you or I or anyone DO about it?"

-nothing

>Then why are you letting it get to you? Why are you letting it affect us?

Believe it or not, most of the time it totally diffuses the situation and brings her back to happy land. Myself as well, by proxy.

I'm not keen on wasting oxygen unless there's a constructive and/or definite resolution to a matter.

Similarly I am VERY into rule #1 where by if there's a problem, I fix it. I don't waste time griping about it. I take care of it and get back to enjoying myself ASAP!

Life is entirely too short to do it differently and the couch sleeps very well. Especially since SHE'S the one with the libido!!